I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
