so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
