Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
