got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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