ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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