It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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