My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
