i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
