the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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