I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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