hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
