sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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