She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
