my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
COCAINE IS GR8
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
