im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
