I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
