textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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