her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
