he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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