No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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