I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
