just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You were trust falling into bushes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
