Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
is that a dick in a sweater?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
