How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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