girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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