How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
