I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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