So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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