So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
