I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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