Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
