how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
