We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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