Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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