Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
