so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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