I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
