He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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