Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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