I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
