soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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