I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
