im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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