If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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