Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
