I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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