they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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