We're facebook friends in real life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
