Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
