I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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