If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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