VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
