I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
