I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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