She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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