I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
