the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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