please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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