I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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